How Being Bold Improves Communication
Tired of biting your tongue?
Being assertive may not come naturally to you if you grew up in a home where problems were thrown under the rug or your parents were unable to meet your basic needs.
Today, you may find yourself walking on eggshells or simply avoiding the elephant in the room altogether. When you stay silent for the sake of others, you end up neglecting yourself and your relationship values in order to be fulfilled in the relationship.
Whether you are fearful of asking your partner what you need or keeping quiet at the office because you don’t want to lose your job, you are only hurting yourself. Operating from fear, means you tend to worry about the outcome of the situation versus voicing your inner thoughts and owning your worth.
Your voice deserves to be heard.
When using an assertive communication style in your relationships, it gives you the courage to communicate in an open, honest, direct and constructive manner, regardless if your perspective is similar or the opposite of the other party.
On the contrary, passive or aggressive styles of communication typically exacerbate situations. Passive communication keeps you staying silent or beating around the bush. Whereas, aggressive communication occurs when you are forcibly confrontational through perceived power or control over the situation. Neither of these styles of communication give you a win-win outcome like assertive communication does in your relationships.
Here Are 5 Steps Being More Assertive In Your Relationships:
1. Show Respect For Yourself
Standing up for yourself when you aren’t being respected is crucial to the health of the relationship and your emotional well-being. By voicing your concerns and honoring your relationship values, it shows you are worthy of respect and deserve to be heard and understood.
If you continue to avoid situations that become complex, then you are showing the other party they can have power over you. You are teaching them how to treat you by ignoring the conflictual differences altogether. This usually results in you being upset with yourself and resenting the other party because you aren’t communicating what you need. The longer you stay silent, the more pain and frustration you will continue to experience in your conversations.
Also, not knowing when to speak up can make things confusing. When you feel your emotions start to boil over or find yourself feeling undervalued, that’s your cue to take care of you. You will want to pause, implement self-care, then ask the other party to have an open conversation where the timing works for both of you.
If you remain passive, at some point you will begin to feel your self-esteem deteriorate affecting your personal worth. To avoid repercussions, you will need to take responsibility for how you communicate instead of placing the other party on a pedestal or simply stonewalling.
Tip: Use “I” statements to own your thoughts.
2. Use Value Versus Emotion
Speaking with assertiveness shows you believe in yourself and are confident about what you bring to the relationship. Being a valuable asset to yourself and others makes you likable, friendly and trustworthy.
If you fall short using passive or aggressive communication, then you are operating from a place of emotion versus value. Trying to solve differences in a heightened emotional state is quite impossible as neither party is able to actively listen nor be constructive with each other.
Your relationship values provide the foundation to articulate exactly what you need using logic and love versus emotion and fear. If you are looking to take the next step forward with a romantic partner or ask for a salary increase from your boss, then you have to be willing to show how committed you are to your goals to receive the commitment you desire with others.
Using the three 3Cs of Communication will be your most effective tool:
Calm tone of voice
Concise messages
Constructive language towards a mutual outcome
Often, individuals who communicate from a place of emotion struggle to understand why their message isn’t being received well. Two things can occur, you tend to flood the other party through lengthy, long-winded messages which are overwhelming. Or, on the flip side, you may see the situation from only your perspective using a ME mindset, resorting to attacking the other party and ignoring their valuable contribution to the relationship. This can result in the other party pulling away, verbally attacking back, and diverting from a resolution.
To maintain valuable connections, each party is responsible for self-managing their own emotions. Self-care and self-love are vital to your relationship success and taking ownership of your emotions so they aren’t displaced onto the connection.
Tip: Facts over attacks
3. Honor The Relationship
While assertive communication is about owning your worth it is also about honoring the relationship as a whole – a WE mindset. The reason you want to use a WE m