I was once in your shoes…
I have dated the narcissistic man one too many times, often leaving me emotionally paralyzed. Twisting and turning every encounter only to fall victim to his charade.
If he wasn’t the center of attention, then he would soon find a way.
My needs were never important to him, only to myself, which is clearly not a partnership. But, I stood by his side because I thought we were in this together?
Man, was I wrong…
No matter how many times I expressed my concerns and needs they fell on deaf ears. And, not because I wasn’t standing up for myself. Confidence has never really been an issue for me. But, how I was communicating my message was the issue.
I’m an INFJ personality type. We are 2% of the population that is known as the healers. I’m a true empath who loves helping others conquer their struggles (you could say my profession chose me), including my ex’s emotional struggles. I naturally attract the narcissistic, the emotionally wounded, like the peanut butter to my jelly. Yet, it’s a double-edged sword because they truly don’t want the help and will only bring chaos into one’s life.
And, while I’m great at helping others I’ve also had to learn to help myself from attracting this type of person into my life. Because as much as I want to help them, it’s easy to have the life sucked right out of you if you don’t recognize the signs early on.
The minute you are in love it only gets that much harder to leave.
Thankfully the years of tears are behind me now and hopefully, they will soon be behind you as well.
Everyone deserves true-blue love with an amazing man who is capable of giving and taking as an equal partner. This kind of exchange allows the relationship to flourish and deepen to an everlasting connection of mutual respect, love, and friendship.
But to attract a worthy man, one must learn to avoid the narcissist.
How To Spot A Narcissist:
1. A relationship with them is simply a transaction. They want something you have that will boost their lifestyle and appearance to the outside world.
2. There is more anxiety and ambiguity than trust and understanding in the relationship.
3. Everything is always on their terms because of the need to feel in control at all times.
4. They thrive off of you, constantly taking to meet their needs. This alone feeds their ego and you become their prey in order to emotionally survive.
5. Your successes will always make them feel inferior and this is why they are unable to support you in your life. You can never achieve more than them.
6. They often use triangulation as a way to make you compete for their attention from another person.
7. They will bring you down when they don’t feel great about themselves. Nor will they challenge you to become the best version of yourself because then you would become too powerful for them.