How To Split The Differences When It Comes To Finances With Your Partner
Did you know differences in financial values are one of the biggest issues in relationships?
Most of our perspectives around spending money come from our upbringing and personality type. While one partner may have grown up in a home where money was tight or a budget was absolutely needed to sustain financial stability, another partner may have grown up where money was never even discussed there was free reign on spending.
When two partners have these opposing spending habits it can cause havoc in the relationship. Not only does it cause financial stress, but emotional stress as well.
Here Are Signs You Need Financial Boundaries Your Partner:
1. You Can’t Agree On A Monthly Spending Budget
Does it seem like every month there is a new argument over specific items on the credit card bill? Or, is your partner hiding clothes or gadgets from you then finding out about them later? When partners are having to hide what they are buying it’s because they haven’t established a boundary that meets both of their needs. One partner may think they can dominate how all the financials are allocated but this is only a recipe for more arguments to come.
It’s time to create a financial spreadsheet for you and your partner to prevent bickering over who spent what. Establishing a clear budget for the family's needs and wants keeps you and your partner feeling respected and financially in the green each month.
2. You Share Different Values Around Money
If you and your partner grew up with different values around money this can make it challenging for you both to understand each other’s spending patterns. One person may want to spend, spend, spend, whereas the other may want to focus on investing and saving.
You and your partner will need to assess each other’s viewpoints around money to best keep your relationship afloat. How do you reward yourselves after working hard to earn the money? What are your long-term goals for the relationship and how will you achieve it? What does money mean to your partner? Is it an easy come, easy go mentality. Or, they save everything waiting to make a big purchase? Diving deeper into your partner’s mindset around money will allow you both to create a unified front with spending habits.
3. You Don’t Have Financial Meetings
If you two aren’t talking, it’s most likely getting shoved under the rug. The problem with shoving financial problems under the rug is one day you may wake up with large amounts of debt your partner created and you weren’t aware of. Or, you may be saving up for a house while they spend freely making you feel taken advantage of.
Having financial freedom begins with establishing a monthly meeting with your partner. This allows each of you to have clarity on your goals as a couple and where you may need to cut back next month due to losses or overspending. or where you may have the flexibility to take the vacation you have been dreaming about. Doing checks and balances each month helps each of you know the state of your finances for growth in the relationship.
4. You Or Your Partner Use Money For Control
If one partner is using money by withholding finances or creating an imbalance on who is allowed to spend money on what, this is a sign there is a deeper power struggle within the connection. Using money to control a partner is financial abuse and you will want to seek a professional to help with establishing boundaries within the relationship.
Control and coercion are the opposite of love. So if a partner is instilling fear in you or making backhanded comments on how you spend your money, note that there is probably something deeper that needs to be assessed for your own emotional health. It doesn’t matter who is the breadwinner in the relationship, both individuals have a voice on how finances are used to meet each person’s needs.
To learn more about financial boundaries, schedule a complimentary consultation with one of our boundary experts today.