How To Increase Intimacy and Communication With An Avoidant Partner

Whether your partner is ignoring your needs or gaslighting your feelings altogether, you are not alone when it comes to dealing with these types of relationship challenges.

An avoidant partner struggles with having a deep emotional attachment to a partner therefore creates distance every time the relationship needs to grow to the next level or cultivate deeper intimacy. This can become an ongoing pattern making you feel confused, frustrated, resentful, or even emotionally abandoned.

The reason avoidant partners’ pull back is because they feel threatened. They are fearful to face another failed relationship or fear facing the pain they experienced as a child when one of their parents emotionally rejected them.

Avoidant partners resort to hiding their feelings in romantic relationships, yet they are full of emotions that keep them stuck and feeling unsatisfied. They have a bad habit of getting in their own way. Also, they tend to focus on perfectionism with a partner versus progress which makes it challenging to take steps in a positive direction.

While avoidant partners can have their challenges, it’s not to say they can’t seek pleasure with a partner who is supportive, non-judgmental and creates a safe space for alignment. It’s not about changing the person you fell in love with, but inspiring them to come closer through transparency and trust.

Here are 11 Ways To Increase Intimacy and Communication With Avoidant Partner:

1. Avoid Demanding Change

Demanding your avoidant partner to change is the biggest no-no. They will completely rebel, as they feel threatened when you don't accept them for who they are. By telling your partner their behaviors are hurtful and downright selfish, it will only fuel them to push you further away from a resolution. Your avoidant partner will feel they are already failing so why try when there’s a lack of positivity and unconditional love.

2. Ask For What You Need Rather Than Complaining

Asking shows you respect them as an equal partner versus demanding and making them feel inadequate within the relationship. When you ask for what you need, you will want to use the three C’s of communication: Calm, Concise, and Constructive. By using a constructive style of communication you are more likely to help your partner understand your needs and wants without making it feel like another complaint. Complaining only reiterates they are doing something wrong which emotionally shuts down the conversation.

3. Use Positive Reinforcement

In order for a partner to want to make changes for the better, you will need to create a positive environment that allows room for change. If you are nagging and sharing all your frustrations, they will most likely tune you out. An avoidant person typically feels emotionally overwhelmed since they tend to stay on the surface, therefore any emotional rants cause them to feel emotionally flooded like a boiling pot of water.

4. Show Empathy and Understanding

By showing empathy and understanding, it creates more harmony and balance in your relationship. It gives your avoidant partner the space to breathe and share some of their vulnerabilities, making them feel more comfortable to open up. Sometimes actively listening to your partner will help them solve some of the relationship issues by feeling valued and respected by you.