How often do you find you and your partner are on different wavelengths when it comes to communication? No matter how well you articulate your message, their response lacks the answers you need to be fulfilled in the relationship.
The good news is you’re not alone. Miscommunication is a very common problem for a lot of couples.
Perhaps, you’re wondering…
How can I get my partner to communicate better?
What is effective communication?
What is normal communication in relationships?
Why is communication important in relationships?
How communication affects relationships?
Communication is an essential relationship skill every couple needs to thrive together. While it can be challenging to bring up serious topics or ask for what you need when previously ignored, there is an easy way to fix this. And, if you and your partner aren’t talking, then it's likely important things are getting shoved under the rug. The more relationship issues that get shoved under the rug, the bigger the divide grows between you and your partner.
If you want to bring your partner intimately closer and build a deeper connection, then follow these simple tips when communicating.
Here Are 4 Tips To Effective Communication:
1. Calm Tone Of Voice
During some tough conversations with your partner, you probably have experienced some intense emotions of anger and frustration. The intensity is so high, you find yourself wanting to go off on them because their lack of empathy and understanding is so upsetting. While it may feel good to let your frustrations out, this will give you the exact opposite response you want. Heightened emotion of yelling or belittling your partner will only cause your partner to emotionally shut down, attack back, or worse disappear for days.
To prevent your partner from avoiding the issue at hand, it is best to deliver your message in a calm tone of voice. The calmness of your voice creates safety and vulnerability for your partner to express how come their actions have led to your frustrations. The calmer you and your partner are, the easier it will be to logically find a resolution to the relationship issue. Being a team is key to maintaining a healthy conversation.
Tip: If you are unable to use a calm tone of voice, take some personal self-love time by meditating, deep breathing, or going for a walk before trying to talk.
2. Concise Messages
Have you ever received a two-page text message? Or had your partner gone on a long rant about how you upset them for something you didn’t even know bothered them? How did you feel at that moment? This probably started sending a signal to your brain where you wanted to unleash it because you feel so overwhelmed or frustrated by their accusatory language. And when you do respond, your partner makes it seem they only care to share their side of the story making it impossible to have a mutual conversation. A partner who is overpowering the relationship dynamic may also use this as a way to instill fear in their partner or seek control.
However, when you and your partner use concise language it allows for each person to have a voice in the conversation and actually retain important information to resolve the discord. It also allows each partner to keep their viewpoints in a logical manner, as drawn-out emotional responses can sometimes become even more confusing.
Tip: Sticking to the facts of the matter enables you and your partner to find a middle ground for the relationship to move forward for alignment.
3. Constructive Language
If you or your partner only tend to focus on the negative, you’ll most likely just keep going around in circles every time a problem arises. Creative problem solving is essential in relationships so both partners' needs are being emotionally and physically met. You and your partner may not hit on the nail the first time you present a solution, but having the ability to negotiate and set healthy boundaries will allow both of you to achieve peace with the relationship.
Tip: Constructive language will lead to a win-win outcome and positive interaction.
For more on setting boundaries in your relationship, click here to check out our online course: Boundary Badass
4. Paraphrasing For Alignment and Rapport
Making sure you and your partner are saying the same thing may require paraphrasing their thoughts from time to time during the conversation. This ensures you fully understand their perspective and beliefs on the topic of discussion and you haven’t created your own synopsis of the situation based on your belief system. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs; however, we want to create a mutual understanding in order to resolve any differences and prevent heightening the discord.
You can say phrases like,
“If I understood you correctly, you said…”
“To make sure we are on the same page, did you mean…”
“I believe you are saying….Is that correct?”
Tip: Implement this communication technique when you are unclear otherwise they may find you mocking them which is the opposite of rapport building for connection.
If you and your partner are at odds and struggling to find a style of communication that meets both of your needs, drop us a message here.