3 Relationship Tips To Stop Being A People-Pleaser

If I had to guess you are a very caring, empathic person. And, perhaps one who cares a little too much at times. For as long as you have known, you have been naturally programmed to people-please while neglecting your own needs in the process. While you crave a deep connection, you have mistakenly forgotten how valuable you are, too. 

Your compassionate heart attracts those who desire your inner peace and nurturance. You may identify yourself as a rescuer or fixer, believing you can help others feel better and alleviate their own internal struggles in life. 

But, where has that helped you meet your own emotional needs while maintaining self-respect?

When you are the person who wants to take care of others you become a people-pleaser which often leads you to form one-sided relationships. You may even end up with a toxic partner because they are the exact type of personality who feeds off of your utter kindness. 

Unfortunately, the mask of an unhealthy partner tends to fall off after you have already fallen deeply in love. By then, it’s too late and you cannot seem to walk away from them. You are even slightly addicted to the highs and lows of the relationship cycle because it keeps you hooked on their admiration and attention. You tell yourself if you stay a little longer, eventually, you will get what you want. However, this type of partner will treat you poorly one minute, then turn around and plead to not leave them. It’s beyond confusing! 

Throughout the relationship, the toxic partner starts to have control over you. You begin to lose your sense of self and become fearful to voice your concerns out of fear they may leave you. As much as they depend on your compassion, you depend on them for your own emotional comfort and purpose to take care of others. You end up forming a codependency connection by making sure you do whatever it takes to make them happy, after all, you love them. 

But, the deep sadness of not receiving what you emotionally need from your partner begins to create great anxiousness within you. You become so timid, that if you ask for the simplest things it will be met by resistance or rejection. Your partner may even punish you and shut you out for a period of time after asking for something that is important to you. They are all about you taking care of their needs first as your needs come second. 

3 Tips To Stop Being A People-Pleaser:

1.Say YES To You

If you find yourself saying yes to every request you receive from a partner, family member, friend, or client, you are eventually going to be running around with your head cut off. The amount of emotional and physical stress you will bring upon yourself will feel unhealthy and beyond exhausting, reaching a state of burnout. 

You are not at people’s beck and call. 

If you find it innate to consistently say yes to every request, try the power of pause before responding with a yes. This will give you time to process whether or not you can meet this person’s needs or if you even want to. 

Ask yourself: 

  1. “Do I have time to help this person?”

  2. “Will I be neglecting my own needs and if I say yes?” 

  3. “Is this something I want to do?”

  4. “How can I let them know I am unavailable in a kind manner?”