If I had to guess you are a very caring, empathic person. And, perhaps one who cares a little too much at times. For as long as you have known, you have been naturally programmed to people-please while neglecting your own needs in the process. While you crave a deep connection, you have mistakenly forgotten how valuable you are, too.
Your compassionate heart attracts those who desire your inner peace and nurturance. You may identify yourself as a rescuer or fixer, believing you can help others feel better and alleviate their own internal struggles in life.
But, where has that helped you meet your own emotional needs while maintaining self-respect?
When you are the person who wants to take care of others you become a people-pleaser which often leads you to form one-sided relationships. You may even end up with a toxic partner because they are the exact type of personality who feeds off of your utter kindness.
Unfortunately, the mask of an unhealthy partner tends to fall off after you have already fallen deeply in love. By then, it’s too late and you cannot seem to walk away from them. You are even slightly addicted to the highs and lows of the relationship cycle because it keeps you hooked on their admiration and attention. You tell yourself if you stay a little longer, eventually, you will get what you want. However, this type of partner will treat you poorly one minute, then turn around and plead to not leave them. It’s beyond confusing!
Throughout the relationship, the toxic partner starts to have control over you. You begin to lose your sense of self and become fearful to voice your concerns out of fear they may leave you. As much as they depend on your compassion, you depend on them for your own emotional comfort and purpose to take care of others. You end up forming a codependency connection by making sure you do whatever it takes to make them happy, after all, you love them.
But, the deep sadness of not receiving what you emotionally need from your partner begins to create great anxiousness within you. You become so timid, that if you ask for the simplest things it will be met by resistance or rejection. Your partner may even punish you and shut you out for a period of time after asking for something that is important to you. They are all about you taking care of their needs first as your needs come second.
3 Tips To Stop Being A People-Pleaser:
1.Say YES To You
If you find yourself saying yes to every request you receive from a partner, family member, friend, or client, you are eventually going to be running around with your head cut off. The amount of emotional and physical stress you will bring upon yourself will feel unhealthy and beyond exhausting, reaching a state of burnout.
You are not at people’s beck and call.
If you find it innate to consistently say yes to every request, try the power of pause before responding with a yes. This will give you time to process whether or not you can meet this person’s needs or if you even want to.
“Do I have time to help this person?”
“Will I be neglecting my own needs and if I say yes?”
“Is this something I want to do?”
“How can I let them know I am unavailable in a kind manner?”
2.Stop Saying Sorry
You do not owe anyone anything if you cannot help them out on their terms or do things their way, including saying sorry. When you constantly tell others you are sorry, they will see this as a sign of weakness while giving them all the power in the relationship. They will assume you are there to help whenever they need something or abide by their ways out of fear of disappointing them.
If you have not done anything wrong, then you have nothing to be sorry for. You are not responsible for their needs or happiness. You deserve equal respect within the relationship you share even if you are not capable of meeting their needs on their timeline. You have every right to do what you feel is in alignment with your authenticity and best interests without having to apologize for it.
3.Own Your Worth
Those who are known as people-pleasers, usually are unsuccessful at owning their self-worth and personal value. Having a lack of self-worth invites others to take advantage of you, disrespect you, and devalue your part in the relationship.
Your worth is not defined by another person.
Your self-worth is determined based on the value you give yourself. The easiest way to own your worth and command respect is to find alignment to your core values. When you live according to your core values, you teach others how you wish to be treated within the relationship. The more you live according to your truth, the more inner peace you will receive.
It can bring clarity to certain situations and relationships by knowing who is meant to be in your inner circle and who is no longer valuing you in their life. And, the sooner you own your worth, you will find yourself feeling free from the emotional stress of others and attracting equal partnerships where you can be seen and heard, too.
Are you ready to overcome being a people-pleaser and feel respected?
Find out more here.